My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Well, Goodness gracious, icky oakie me!: Would... →
twitterversecrazies: The interview that goes with today’s WSJ photo (video to follow shortly). On Christian Grey and Ramsay Bolton roles: (More here) The film rights were snapped up by Universal Pictures and Focus Features, and now all anyone in the “Fifty Shades” blogosphere can… Id c that move and fap to it if he was in it
The funny thing about arguing that same-sex couples will damage the lives of the...– an incredible point which i have been trying to put into words for years via TheLWire (via bilvum) I am so fucking sick of seeing all this cissexism. Yes, there are gay couples who can get pregnant. Say a cis gay man and trans* gay man are dating, and the trans* gay man isn’t infertile. Switch...
Cillian at the Red Lights New York Screening
saint-kitten: mitzimurphy: Cut for length: four more pictures “That’s the face he makes when he’s watching people on the train. You know it is.” - Ashley Fucking pedo i watch you masturbate face
Unwritten Rules for Mosh Pits
1: Never drag, punch, or pull someone into a mosh pit if they don't want to go; if they wanted in, they'd be in by now.
2: No cheap shots.
3: If someone gets injured in the pit, you get them the fuck outta there and to a medic. It doesn't matter what it takes or what you lose, these people are your concert-going extended family; you stand by them.
4: Never hit someone harder than they can hit you- sounds stupid, but do you really want to be That Guy?
5: Do NOT curbstomp someone if they trip.
6: Generally speaking, don't be a total fucking douchebag.
sexponent: I AM SO FUCKING DONE BLOGGING FROM MY PHONE, MY GRANDMA MASTURBATES FASTER THAN THIS SHIT JESUS.